NOT SO HEALED AFTER ALL

Sometimes you come to terms with situations you thought you finally worked through and sometimes that shit sneaks right back in to remind you that you aren't fully healed from it yet. And that's okay. 

It's right when you think you're ready to move on or start over again when the universe decides to test your strength. I found out recently that I am not nearly as healed as I thought I was. It felt like the universe slapped me across the face and said "gotcha!" I had realized that all I had done is run away from my issues rather than heal from them (there's a difference!) 

Once you realize you may be the problem, all you can do is reflect deeper and ask yourself how you can be the solution. That's what healing is all about: problem, cause, and solution. Only you can make sure you are all three.

It's okay to choose you.

Read that as many times as you need to for it to get through your head that being selfish can be necessary at times like these. You cannot pour into anyone else's cup if yours is empty. You cannot give the full, healthy version of yourself to someone or something if you are not completely healed. 

You're going to be tested. I'm sorry to be the one to say it, but I promise you that you will be and how you handle it is up to you. Either you actively make changes you know you need to make, whether that be in regard to your behavior, actions, attitude, etc. or you allow yourself to be sucked right back into the vicious cycle of relearning the same lessons over and over again. I'll be the first to tell you that if you have the opportunity to avoid that, do it. You deserve to be healed. You deserve to learn from your experiences. You deserve connections that reciprocate the same priority of your personal evolution. 

I think that's the most challenging part; finding someone who is willing to put in the work needed to grow with you both individually and together. Someone who is aware of all of your flaws, yet still chooses to love you anyway. Someone who is equally working on themselves so that they can give you all of them the same way you give them all of you. That's the blueprint in my eyes and when you do find that person you'll know. It's such a wonderful feeling to know that someone can love all of you; the good, the bad, all your flaws, the pros and cons. Finding the person who chooses you and chooses to face adversity alongside you instead of either of you facing it alone is such a blessing.  

Don't be upset when the person you thought would stick around when you do decide to choose yourself dips. That's okay because if they were the right person they'd stay. What's meant for you cannot pass you by. It may be delayed, but it'll never miss you. Find peace with that when you do make that decision to be selfish and realize that the people and opportunities that are aligned with you will be yours once you take the time to heal yourself. Remember healing is not going to be easy, but it will all be worth it.