GHOSTING

 Yep, that's right. We are talking about ghosting, directly from the queen herself. The biggest takeaway I want you to get from reading this post is this:

LET THEM.

Ghosting is a very well known phenomenon that we have all most likely experienced. Whether we got ghosted or we were the ghoster...I mean come on, it's 2023 let's be real, we have all probably been both at some point. It's an incredibly controversial topic, so let's just dive right in.

When we get ghosted, our immediate reaction is that we did something or that we are the problem. WRONG. Being ghosted most likely has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the ghoster themselves. Which is why I say "Let Them." You cannot control anyone else and you cannot demand an explanation as to why they dipped. I'm sorry, it may seem unfair, but it's true. 

So why do ghosters do what they do? 

This is the burning question we all want the answer to right? I'm here to answer it to the best of my ability from my own personal experience so buckle up lol.

I have been guilty of ghosting people more times than I can count. It's definitely not something I am proud of, if anything it has brought me a lot of shame to say the least. I am aware of just how immature it may seem, but sometimes ghosting feels like the only option there is. Insecurity, fear of commitment, a change in energy or chemistry, and wanting to protect the other person's feelings are all potential reasons why someone may dip out on you randomly. When you get yourself into situationships and realize you two aren't as aligned as you thought you'd be, the easiest thing to do is to go ghost. It saves both people from that painfully awkward "It's not you, it's me" conversation, which the ghoster thinks is saving the person from that hurt, when in reality it leaves them questioning everything. 

I see both sides to ghosting, I really do, but being on the receiving end sucks! We all crave closure when connections we value end and rightfully so. But remember, we don't get to fully determine who stays and who goes in our lives. Sometimes you just have to let them ghost you. Detach from the idea that it has anything to do with you. Do not attach someone else's actions towards you to your worth. Absolutely not. Learn from the experience and the role you played. Every connection we make teaches us something. It can be easy to play the victim in situations like these, but ultimately you are being ghosted for a reason; there is some sort of lesson to be learned. 

In my case, ghosting has taught me to reflect on my own behavior and how it affects others. My absence was never something I considered would affect how someone else views themselves. Reread that if you need to. I have always viewed access to me as a privilege, but not in the sense that it would truly hurt someone when revoked. Once I realized the power of my presence, I realized just how much hurt I may have caused others in the past when I did go ghost. This is where that shame I mentioned before comes from. My intention behind ghosting someone has never been malicious or to damage their self worth. If anything it was because of my own self sabotaging behaviors that I allowed to have power over me and my decision making. 

Now it's your turn. Sit back and reflect on your experience with ghosting. Learn the lessons you need to to prevent future ghosting. Heal your relationship wounds and triggers, not only for you, but to prevent yourself from hurting anyone else unintentionally in the process. Take a break from dating too if you need to. This will help you fully immerse yourself in prioritizing your growth and healing your trauma.

One last note to keep in mind: you're a baddie; whether you got ghosted or not.